Well, if you follow me on social media, you may or may not know I'm 14 weeks pregnant today – but I'll repeat the blog again to capture some thoughts because I still can't believe it!
I am so grateful that God has given me the opportunity to experience pregnancy again and raise our family. At this point, he believes more than statistics (Mike's cancer "has a 0% chance of becoming pregnant naturally"), the doctor said. Then we had Help! And now, baby X – and there's no cute nickname for that little life, haha!). And while I'm not hesitant to share because I'm a bit of an open book, I work hard to share, I know infertility is so hard … I have friends who are trying to conceive, others who have lost babies, and still others, who have been told this is not going to happen to them. Each person's story is unique and personal, so I share our news to those whose story does not develop as they dreamed with a heavy heart. But I also want to share how it happened for us (hint: more prayer!) And what this pregnancy is different from Abigail's first tour. In a nut shell:
Unlike Abigail, I knew right away that I was pregnant.
As I knew
The first tangible sign was that I was starting to kick things out (I got so cumbersome with Abba too!), But there was something else. For a month I was quietly committed to praying specifically for the positive direction of conception. I really try to accept whatever situation God is directing us to, and we were excited about Help, and of course we wanted to be happy with him – what if he were our only shot? – but instead of praying "… if you want," I decided to pray specifically for the child, for only a month and whenever I thought about it. Gratitude for what God intended, but being bold in His prayers and allowing me to dream. I was inspired by Anne Graham Lotz's study of Daniel's prayer. When it came time to check, I just knew these lines were positive – and day by day they were getting darker! At the same time, I was not surprised that God had responded so clearly, directly, and in the same way to my prayer, and at the same time felt so overwhelmed and grateful, because I know that he does not always respond to prayers as we interpret them positively. . "
Pslam, which has been one of my favorites for years, is Pslam 37 and it contains verses that I have worked hard on but also kept tight, not often understanding them, but I still enjoy them. It is a psalm of exhortation and patience. In NIV, verses 3 to 6 are translated as follows:
“Trust in the Lord and do good;
live in the countryside and enjoy safe pasture.
Rejoice over the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of his heart.
Put your way before the Lord;
trust him and he will:
It makes your right pay shine like a dawn,
your justification like the noon sun. "
And it is this dedication, the fact that I have faith in my heart's desires for God, I have always been a little vulnerable to me. I have been struggling with these verses for many years; Do "my heart's desires" have to be in harmony with God's God so that He can fulfill them? What if it's not what he wants for me? How dare I pray?
The message translates the same verses differently:
"Trust in God and do good,
settle down and stick to your last one.
Keep God's company, step in the best.
Open before God, do not hold back; he will do whatever he needs to do:
He will validate your life in daylight and stamp you at noon to approve. "
… Different translation, different deprivation! I like the idea of opening myself up to God and acting on my need – I can trust him. And I can wait and be patient if I trust him.
I really have no answers; All I have to do is the story I live, the reality I face, and the prayers that are sometimes answered so strongly that my only answer is glory to God – and at other times, the prayers to be answered are as unheard of as it may seem. only to trust God's bigger picture. I'm still going back to Pslam 37 – this is "the Pslam of life" for me and will continue to read and take it to heart.
How I feel
As for the more physical update, I've been nauseated on Baby X (we don't even know this tiny sex – surprise just like Absil!) Because I didn't have Nausea once with Ab. It took several weeks before I felt this time again, but the nausea went away in California – so it was great getting help from my parents at that time (Mikey stayed in Africa for 3 weeks!) And I enjoyed the help and of course the company!
Every time I tried to feel bad because I knew it meant life was growing inside me! Pretty memorable … But I'm thankful I'm now on the other side of the nausea! It motivated me to dive deeper into the pregnancy side of nutrition, expanding on what I had learned and eaten last time, "Real Food for Pregnancy Diabetes" by Lily Nichol (not what I know and don't touch, but wanted to read it and I remember it all!) from a friend "Real food for pregnancy …" Love it and let us know!
Although nausea has almost disappeared, I have been quite tired – especially in the beginning! – much more than Aid, and I think that is normal and can be expected with a toddler.
Now my energy is a little up, so the workouts are more consistent, which leads me…
Fitness during pregnancy # 2
Readers may remember that when I was pregnant with Abigail I watched BirthFit's prenatal programming to "T" and even though I loved it, I knew I wanted to try something different this time. I knew I needed more pelvic floor work (I still have my prolapse and still struggle with what I really need – pelvic floor exercises!) And worked hard to keep moving in this first trimester for a few weeks. But the motivation came to win the training program of Brianna Battles and Heather Osby for The Pregnant Athlete in the Instagram series. It's created with power, throws, holidays and intervals, and I really enjoy it! In and out in 20-45 minutes, emphasizing back and slipping, but also full body fitness, and I feel strong even with this growing lump (yes, much faster than the first time!).
Well … we still discuss them and think through them all, but we don't find the sex again (that's a big surprise!) And we work with the same team of midwives, which is fantastic! Hope for another home delivery if all goes well, but also keeping the plan relaxed. And Help? Well, she points to her stomach, LOVES her dolls and babies lately, and I think she enjoys being a big sister in general – but I'm sure she'll be in shock for the new year! 😉
I share most of my life on Instagram as usual, and I can go back to blogging here and there, but I wanted to document my thoughts about the beginning of this pregnancy and stand up to God's goodness for whatever reason we have decided to give it to us. We are grateful, the parents of 2 children full of emotions, and are looking forward to mid-February 2020!
Thank you for watching and sharing!
Live well and be well,
Bonnie (Mike and Abigail)
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